The Road to Victory

Since I started this website in August of last year, I have experienced a lot of ups and downs in my struggle against pornography. I'm sure many of you recognize the scenario of thinking you are beginning to win, only to fail and feel like you have to start all over again. This process is very frustrating and can sometimes lead to a desperation.

In December, some things took place in my life that really made it clear to me that a change needs to occur in my life. Isn't it easy to fool yourself and tell yourself that nobody is really affected by your sin - not even you yourself? Reality tells us that we are selling ourselves short, we are selling our partner or future partner short, and we are affecting the larger body of Christ through our sin. When this hit home last December, a change began to occur in my life. This change came so suddenly that it's almost inexplicable to me apart from the grace of God. All I can say that I realized the consequences of my deeds in a new light and decided it was time for all of this to end.

You know, Ted Haggard didn't just fall. He was a man with struggles that are in one way quite similar to yours and mine. I realized that if I do not deal with my struggles here and now, I will go into ministry because of God's anointing and calling on my life...but I might end up just like Ted Haggard, with a broken family, a broken church, and a broken ministry. Is that a price I am willing to pay for the sake of looking at pornography?

I decided I'm not willing to pay that price. In January, I got into a relationship that has proven to be everything I have ever desired in a relationship and more. We have an openness and a vulnerability that is both rare and extremely valuable. Through this relationship and the openness, God has given me a new impetus to deal with pornography. Instead of giving in to the thoughts that sometimes spontaneously pop into my head, I text or call my girlfriend. Even knowing that she is praying for me in my struggle - even sending the text message in the first place - brings me so much closer to victory and takes the sting out of the lies Satan throws at me.

Because they are lies , my friend. Nothing is more beautiful than for two people to come together on their wedding day and strip themselves of all protection, of all walls, and become as vulnerable and unprotected as anybody could ever be. Sex celebrates that vulnerability and expresses the spiritual and emotional union between two individuals in such a beautiful way. Something like that is not worth putting on the line for a fleeting moment of pleasure. Don't let Satan convince you with his lies.

You can be free - the question is how badly you want it. The question is what price you are willing to pay for your sin. In the past four months, I have fallen twice. To me, this is a massive victory when earlier, I could not go two weeks without falling into pornography. I know I am on the way up. Victory is mine in Jesus Christ. I thank God for the renewed perspective He has given me.

Feedback

More than four months ago, I began my attempt to help people struggling with pornography. Judging from the poll, many people who visit the site indeed struggle with pornography at least off and on. So since we have now entered 2007, I would like to ask you, the reader, for some feedback. What are your thoughts concerning this website? Any constructive criticism is more than welcome! You can either leave a comment to this post or enter the forum (button located on the bottom right), where I created a thread for the purpose of receiving feedback concerning this website. Thank you so much and God bless you!

Pulling out the root - Part 2

Recently, I shared a little insight God has given me concerning the necessity to not only snap off the weed of sin in our life, but also pull out the root. Many of us have snapped off the weed so many times - it is time to pull out the root of pornography and masturbation. But how?

This is no easy question. I have repeatedly stated on this blog that I do not want to give easy answers that do not essentially help you in any way. Another problem with the question is that I am in the process of pulling out the root myself; any answer I give is partial at best.

The road to victory is different for every single one of us. Though I am tempted to want to give you a five-step plan to victory, I do not believe it works that way. One thing that is essential, however, is admitting you cannot conquer it by yourself. You can't! You don't have it under control; it will not go away by itself, neither in time nor after you get married. Reading all the books you can read and praying all the prayers you can pray will most likely not bring you the victory.

So what will help you on your way to victory?
1. Lay down your pride and open up to people you trust, people that can help you. Admit you cannot conquer it by yourself. Get help - don't be too ashamed.
2. Be honest with yourself about yourself. Get real with God, shove everything else aside and set your heart on living for God and seeking His face, building your relationship with Him.
3. Fill yourself with the truth of God's Word. Realize that God is both loving and righteous, both forgiving and holy. He has made the victory available for you through faith in Jesus Christ.

The testimony I posted last time has been a great turning point for me recently. At the same time, I realize it might not always be that way for everybody. If you feel you want to talk about your struggles or need advice, feel free to email me. Let's not just snap off the weed - let's pull out the root!

Testimony

Recently, somebody wrote this testimony on a Bible forum. More than anything I have ever read, this testimony has both motivated and inspired me to stay as far away from porn as I possibly can. I want to share it with you here and do so with the permission of the author, though I will keep it anonymous. I pray it inspires you as it has inspired me...

Wow this is a topic that is very personal to me. I have been on the other end of the problem - being the one that is in the pornography and then eventually making myself "available" to men for compensation. I met some very nice men in my past who loved their families dearly but desperately struggled with sexual addiction and pornography. They were one of the reasons I decided to leave, as I didn't want to be the cause of someone else's addiction and spiritual downfall. I felt deeply responsible. How could I not accept my role?

I know that this is difficult for some men, as it seems that men are just wired a little differently. They are very visual and can easily separate the human being from the image. If you can, the next time that you see an image on the internet, try to take a moment and see the woman in the image as a person and not just an image. Try to see her as someone who has parents, siblings, possibly children and people who care about her. Try to imagine someone close to you - your wife, your sister, a woman in your life you care for deeply in that image. Try to imagine them posing and other men seeing them as just objects. It's disturbing when you look at it that way. You wouldn't want it for them. Before I entered the adult industry I found myself being hurt after boyfriend after boyfriend seemed to struggle with pornography. It battered my self esteem. I always thought I must not be pretty enough that they needed something else. I guess eventually I thought, if you can't beat em - join em.

I want for more men to know that a large majority of the women who work in clubs, pose in magazines or are in movies or prostitution do have families and are people. Many of the women I knew were single mothers. It's easy to get lost in the fantasy and think that these women just are very sexual and love what they do and want to make you feel good. It's harder to look past the surface and see the very personal and spiritual price they pay for someone to get a release.

It encourages me that more and more men and beginning to talk about this and that Christians are stepping up to help in recovery. If the Lord can plant the seeds in my heart to help me try to quit I know the same can happen for you. My role was an addiction too as I was compensated very well. I am still struggling with giving up that aspect of it. I think you and I can both tackle our addictions if we take them one day at a time. We are very blessed to have so much support on our side!

Pulling out the root

Recently, God showed me something very essential in understanding my struggle with uncleanness in my life. I was actually preaching when I had this thought and used it in my sermon - the result in people's life was powerful.

God showed me a garden with plants growing here and there. As in (almost) every garden, there were weeds that needed to be pulled out. I remember that as a kid, I used to just snap of the weed where it comes out of the ground, thinking that this would take of the problem. When my mum found out, she quickly pointed out to me that snapping off the weed would not solve the problem, because I was leaving the root in the ground. The result would only be that the weed would grow back. She showed me how to pull out the weed with root and all.

Our struggle with sin in general and pornography in particular is like this. We often snap off the weed, believing that we've taken care of the problem. The weed is gone - at least, it cannot be seen - and we go on our merry way, thinking we've removed sin from our lives. After a little while, however, it grows back. We fall back into sin and wonder what went wrong - had we not removed it? We snap it off again and repeat the cycle until we become frustrated, discouraged, or even depressed.

But God is telling us that we need to pull out the root, not just snap of the weed. He wants us to take care of the root problem - and the root is in the soil of our heart. Our hearts need to be dug up so that God can take care of whatever it is in our hearts that needs to be changed. We need to be willing - if necessary with somebody else - to let God dig up the soil of our hearts, bring the roots of this sin to the surface, so that He can remove it - for good.

That process is painful...but it's the only way.

Remember your chains

My sincerest apologies for not updating this site. I have been very involved in an emigration process, which has taken up a lot of my energy and time. No excuse is good enough, however, and so I have resolved to keep updating this site on a regular basis once again. Please note that I have added a link to a fellow Blogger's struggle with pornography, namely 'A Porn Addict's Blog'.

As you may have gathered from previous posts, my struggle with pornography has not yet led me to the point where I am not tempted anymore or never give in anymore. I can go weeks with little struggle, only to be caught unawares and give in again. Just recently, I had been rejoicing in the victory God had given me. Being free from Pornography and Masturbation is a truly wonderful feeling. All too soon, however, the memory of their chains wore off and I found myself taken in by the lie once again.

I am reminded of a song by Steven Curtis Chapman, which says the following:

Remember your chains
Remember the prison that once held you
Before the love of God broke through
Remember the days you were without grace
And you see where you are now
Remember your chains
And remember your chains are gone

How easy it is to forget. But we must remember. Don't believe the lies and allurements of sin. Remember your chains!

The Father Loves you

The Father loves you
What a hard thing to believe
But it is true
He loves you with everything He has
He longs for you with all of His heart

Love means relationship
And relationship implies wanting
Wanting to be with somebody
Wanting to please somebody
Wanting to give yourself to somebody
Completely

The Father wants you - your heart
Your thoughts, Your sexuality
Everything
Not because it's the law
But because He loves you

Love conquers everything
Even the sin you struggle with
Love is stronger
Love is greater
Love is purer

So take the hand of your Father
Live a life of love
And even when you fall
God still loves you
He is standing there
Ready to pick you up
Hug you
And carry you